“I haven’t written a poem in a very long time. Poems are not really my thing I am more of a ranting shit talker but I need to get this out my chest to be able to move on.”
I am looking for her. That true love that I dream about every night. So beyond a wet dream but sounds of something deeper and true. In my mind she has no face but is formed of ideas. Ideas that are what I find attractive. I dream she is smart, caring, supportive, and loving as I would be for her. In the real world I fall for women such as she in my dreams. This makes me pursue but past pains make me cautious. Going by my own set rules of engagement. I am tired of reaching for the top of the tree for best fruit only to fall down and hurt myself and be found wanting. The mystery is always what do I need to be perfect for her. Is it too much to ask that she not be ghetto, mean, or distant. Is it too much to ask that I find someone who will support me emotionally and give me the love that I am powered by.
The conflict is the question of how can I find balance in not being needy but also let her know I desire her. How can I see past the games? How can I pass the secret tests? Why can’t I get something straight forward? Why does this burn in my chest like the fire of 7 ovens? Why am I jealous over someone who was never mine? Why must I be reminded that I am alone? Why can’t I laugh this away like everything else? Is she out there or is she a dream? Till I can figure it out I will continue the search for her.